Under the Quiet
I know I have posted a lot night photos for this project already. I just keep coming back to the night sky. I find peace here under the quiet with the Lord. I haven’t truly slept since my mom passed away in October for one reason or another — grief, a new puppy, the holidays, a 365 project, a full litter of puppies, etc.
Also, I have been coming off of Klonopin since last August.
I was prescribed this drug nine years ago when we lost our baby at 16 weeks. Panic attacks, illness and depression ensued after his passing. I think I needed klonopin then, just to function. I had no idea that my brain would become addicted to this drug. I wanted to be off of it so over several years I weaned myself down to one pill at night of the smallest dosage. I tried to quit that one pill cold turkey two years ago and I hit a wall that left me terrified to ever come off of it again. It scared me. Last August, two months before mom died, I decided to try it again. This time I made up a slow-weaning schedule which would give me about a year to come off just one pill a day.
If you are not familiar with benzodiazepines or benzos as some call them, they literally change the way our brains work. The parts of the brain that help someone to be calm on their own become inhibited and stinted because the drug has been doing this for them. They can be very dangerous to come off of quickly and the side effects of withdrawal are frightening.
With God’s help I will be off Klonopin forever this coming year. I have cut my former one pill a day down to half and am continuing the schedule I created. This past Sunday I bumped my half down to a quarter and by Tuesday was feeling the effects pretty strongly. I had only cut Sunday’s dose and then returned to my normal half of a pill, but the drug has a half life and it is hard to gauge when you will feel the withdrawal. A panic attack was sitting on ready inside my chest, but the Lord gave me strength and peace. With God’s help and the support of my husband and family I will get through this. I am committed to being free from this drug forever.
If you have experience in this area, I am so sorry. I am telling my story to help other people who are struggling. You can find freedom too with God’s help.
May the Lord bless you and give you his peace this night. He is here.
John 14:27 ~”Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Philippians 4:14 ~”Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”