Without You
Remember those red chenille pillows you bought me from Pottery Barn, Mama? The puppy shredded them. And although I didn’t want to go without you, I went back to Pottery Barn today to find new covers for those pillows. It took everything I had to walk through those doors without you. It was a place we loved.
I didn’t mean to, but I saw you there. You were waiting for me like you always did. You saw me from a distance and had that smile on your face when you saw me. I could see your brightened eyes. How I miss that. How I miss knowing that you were so glad to see me. Are you waiting for me like that now mama? I hate to admit it but I wept all through the mall. The poor lady in Pottery Barn didn’t know what to say. She recognized me from one of our visits. I could hardly speak. The words came out in choked syllables.
I bought two new yellow pillow covers to replace the red ones, Mama. Do you think that will look nice with the blue sofa? Oh how I miss asking you these things. These things that I asked you everyday. Where should I get my area rugs cleaned mom? Which jewelry repair shop is the best? What is a good price for a nice set of sheets? You knew how to do everything.
It is written that our Lord was well acquainted with grief. He was a man of many sorrows. Surely it is okay to be sad if Jesus himself was sad. I am so grateful I have a high priest who has gone before me in these things. He knows pain and sorrow. He gave his life to make all things new. This is the hope that I cling to as I make my way through the path of grief. I really don’t know how to do this, but he will help me. He knows how.
I believe that Father God is also straining his eyes to see if I am coming around the corner. How he loves us. And while I am temporarily without you Mama, I am never alone. He is with me.
To be continued as I journey this path.
Love you Mama.
Psalm 91:4 ~”He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”