Around the Bend
I actually took this photo in December shortly after my mom passed away, but it seems appropriate to post it now.
There is so much of my path that feels unknown to me right now. I have lost both my parents and this is starting to really sink in. Having a parent to call when you have a question or concern is something we take for granted.
This is a new path. And just like the image above, the horizon feels foggy to me. The things I have been doing to make my life go around seem superfluous now. It all feels like too much — too much busyness- too much stress. Death has a way of waking us out of our slumber. It’s time for a change, but what kind of changes do I need to make?
The path itself has narrowed. I know more than ever that Jesus is my life. He alone can make all of the pain beautiful. He alone is big enough to fill my heart. I do not know what lies ahead, but I am more certain of the company I keep.
Grief is clarifying. It is much easier to say what is important and what is not. I do not want to waste my pain. I want to make this season count. I want to live my one life well and to the full.
Here are some things I want to do as I walk this new path.
I want:
~ to know the voice of the Lord when he speaks and to hear him speak often.
~ to get some much needed rest and understand that it’s okay to take care of myself.
~ to take a walk everyday if possible.
~ to rid myself of the distractions that keep me from my true calling..
~ to love my family well (this includes prayer and cooking and ordering my world).
~ to get my hands in the dirt and plant flowers and food.
~ to be present for those who need someone to listen to their heart.
~ to be a beautiful wife, mother, sister, niece, daughter-in-law, and cousin to the family that I have left.
~ to make my parents proud.
The road ahead is indeed unclear, but it always has been. None of us knows what the future holds. I pray that I honor this season and allow God to make the changes in me that he wants to make.
Psalm 16:11 ~”You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
